I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
