i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
