1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
