party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
