i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
