I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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