Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
