I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
