I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
