i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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