respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
