party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
