You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
