Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
