So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
