HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
