He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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