the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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