Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
