I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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