It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
