Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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