My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
