He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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