Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
