My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
