just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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