That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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