His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
