My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
