I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
