OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
