Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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