Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize