He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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