I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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