im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
