The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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