you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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