Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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