I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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