it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
