Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still dying that you shit outside
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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