we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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