i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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