you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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