i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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