So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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