Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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