just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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