If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
