walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
