How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
