I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize