just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
