I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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