i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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