Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize