Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
