Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
