no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
