she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
