literally had 100 drinks last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
