plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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