I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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