soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
