haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wow bdsm is so cute
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
