Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
