barbara walters just said penis...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
