I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
