The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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