Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
