I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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