i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
