New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
