Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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