my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
