Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
