whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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