there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
