We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
