I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
