Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
