you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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