we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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